Ho Ho Hold on to Your Hats: The Best Christmas Jokes & Puns!

‘Tis the season for twinkling lights, festive feasts, and… terrible jokes! Let’s be honest, Christmas wouldn’t be complete without a hearty dose of corny humor. Get ready to spread some holiday cheer (and maybe a few eye-rolls) with our collection of the best Christmas jokes and puns!

From Santa-themed zingers to reindeer-related rib-ticklers, we’ve got something to tickle everyone’s funny bone. Prepare to be the life of the Christmas party with these guaranteed laugh-getters.

Ho Ho Hold on to Your Hats: The Best Christmas Jokes & Puns!

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• Why did Santa go to therapy? He had too many unresolved elf-esteem issues.
• What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. (Christmas tree eyebrows are a thing, right?)
• Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? Because it needed a trim-ming!
• What’s Santa’s favorite wine? Beau-jolais!
• I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. Kind of like my Christmas shopping deadline.
• What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
• I saw my mom kissing Santa Claus under the mistletoe last night… turns out, it was just her reflection. I was shocked, then I realized I was holding a mirror.
• What’s the best thing to put into Christmas dinner? Your teeth.
• Why are Christmas trees bad knitters? Because they keep dropping their needles!
• What did the gingerbread man say to the cop? “You’ll never catch me, I’m the Gingerbread MAN!” (Runs away, snaps in half). Oh, crumb.
• Me trying to act surprised when I unwrap the same socks I get every year: 😲
• How does Santa keep his sleigh clean? He uses a sleigh-ton of cleaner!
• What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.

Christmas Jokes: Santa’s Funniest One-Liners

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Ho ho hold on tight! Santa’s not just delivering presents; he’s delivering laughs! These one-liners are guaranteed to bring a twinkle to your eye and a belly full of mirth. Get ready for some North Pole-approved humor, straight from the big man himself. These jokes are perfect for spreading Christmas cheer!

• What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
• Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
• What do you call Santa when he’s lost all his money? Saint Nickel-less!
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• What does Santa say at the start of a race? Ready, set, snow!
• Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
• What did Santa name his dog? Santa Paws!
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
• What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap music!
• What do you call a broke Santa? Claunless!

Reindeer Jokes and Puns: Flying High on Humor

Get ready to take flight with these reindeer-themed jokes! From Rudolph’s shiny nose to Dasher’s speedy sprints, these puns and quips will have you soaring with laughter. These jokes are perfect for sharing around the Christmas dinner table or during a festive game night.

• What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph!
• What do reindeer say before telling a joke? This one’s gonna sleigh you!
• Why did the reindeer cross the road? To get to the other deer!
• I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
• How do you know when Santa’s reindeer are happy? You can hear them saying, “Yule!”
• What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
• Why don’t reindeer like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
• What’s a reindeer’s favorite game? Stable tennis!
• What did the reindeer say to the elf? “I’ve got your back!”
• What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? I have no eye deer.

Christmas Tree Jokes: Branching Out with Laughter

Deck the halls with boughs of holly…and a whole lot of tree-mendous jokes! These Christmas tree puns will have you pine-ing for more. Whether you prefer a real tree or an artificial one, these jokes will definitely spruce up your holiday season. Prepare to be rooted in laughter!

• What do you call an old Christmas tree? Evergreen!
• Why are Christmas trees bad knitters? Because they drop all their needles.
• I’m pine-ing for you this Christmas!
• Hanging with my tree-mendous friends this holiday season.
• What is Frosty’s favorite desert? Ice cream cones.
• What do you call a tree that can’t stand up? A weeping pine.
• Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!
• What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
• Why was the Christmas tree so sad? It had low self-esteem. It felt knotty.
• What do you call a Christmas tree on the beach? Sandy Claus!

Elf Jokes: Mischief and Merriment All Around

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These jokes are elfin’ hilarious! These jokes are packed with mischief and merriment, straight from Santa’s workshop. Get ready to chuckle at the antics of these pint-sized pranksters. These elf jokes will bring joy to even the grumpiest Grinch this holiday season.

• What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet!
• Why did the elf quit his job at the bakery? He felt like he was being elf-employed.
• What do you call an elf that can sing? A wrapper!
• You are the mistletoe to my tree.
• I’m all about the mistletoe.
• What do you call an elf who can take photos? An elfie!
• Why are elves such bad bowlers? They have trouble finding the lanes because they’re so short!
• What do elves use to make their shoes? Elf-er hide!
• What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
• What’s an elf’s favorite sport? Basket-elf!

Christmas Food Puns: Deliciously Funny Holiday Humor

Get ready to feast on some deliciously funny holiday humor! These Christmas food puns are the perfect side dish to your holiday celebrations. From gingerbread men to cranberry sauce, these jokes are sure to satisfy your craving for a good laugh. Warning: may cause excessive holiday cheer!

• Don’t go bacon my heart this Christmas!
• I only have ice for you.
• Let’s get this party poppin’!
• What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg? Limp-bread man!
• Orange you glad it’s Christmas?
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
• What did the gingerbread man say to the icing? “I wanna be your main squeeze.”
• I’m stuffed with Christmas cheer!
• Time to get this bread.
• What do you call an anxious pepper? A nervous jalapeno.

Christmas Ornament Jokes: Deck the Halls with Giggles

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, and these ornament-al jokes! These jokes and puns will add some extra sparkle to your Christmas celebrations. Hang on tight as we explore the funny side of baubles, tinsel, and all things festive. Get ready to deck the halls with giggles!

• Time to get lit.
• I’m all spruced up.
• What do you call a sad Christmas ornament? A blue bauble.
• You rock my stocking.
• What do you call an ornament that’s good at karate? Orna-mental!
• The holidays are gonna be lit this year.
• What did the ornament say to the Christmas tree? “You make me shine!”
• What do you get if you drop a Christmas ornament? A broken bauble-ution!
• What do you call an ornament that’s always telling stories? A ball of yarn!
• I’m having a ball this holiday season.

Snowman Jokes: Chillingly Hilarious Winter Fun

Brace yourself for some chillingly hilarious winter fun! These snowman jokes are the perfect way to cool down the holiday stress and warm up the laughter. From frosty puns to snowy one-liners, these jokes are guaranteed to melt your heart. Prepare for a flurry of fun!

• What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes!
• What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle!
• Don’t you snow it, I am still cute.
• What do snowmen call their parents? Melta and Fatha!
• What does a snowman like to do on the weekend? Chill out!
• What kind of money do snowmen use? Cold hard cash!
• Feeling snowflakey today.
• Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snow bank!
• How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer!
• What do you call a snowman party? A snowball!

Christmas Carol Puns: Harmonizing with Humor

Harmonize with humor this holiday season! These Christmas carol puns will have you singing with laughter. From “Silent Night” to “Jingle Bells,” these jokes are sure to bring a melody of mirth to your holiday celebrations. Get ready to carol your way to a jolly good time!

• Have a holly, jolly Christmas, it’s the best time of the year…nestly!
• Deck the halls with boughs of holly…wood!
• I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
• Joy to the world, the lord is…in my head!
• O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, how lovely are thy… branches of government!
• Silent night, holy night…club!
• “Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer,” had a very shiny…new car!
• Walking in a winter wonderland…erful life!
• Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the…way to the bank!
• “We wish you a merry Christmas,” and a happy…hour!