I Do! Hilarious Commitment Jokes & Puns That Will Make You Say Yes

Ready to take the plunge into laughter? If you’re feeling a little commitment-phobic about humor, don’t worry, these jokes and puns are low-risk and high-reward! We’re diving headfirst into the world of commitment-related comedy, offering a lighthearted look at relationships, promises, and maybe even a few questionable decisions.

Whether you’re happily hitched, perpetually single, or just enjoy a good chuckle, this post is guaranteed to elicit a smile. Prepare yourself for a collection of commitment jokes and puns so good, you’ll want to share them with everyone you know – that’s a promise!

I Do! Hilarious Commitment Jokes & Puns That Will Make You Say Yes

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• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two TIRED of commitment!
• What do you call a commitment-phobe superhero? Captain Avoidance!
• I’m committed… to finishing this pizza.
• My therapist told me to embrace commitment. Now I’m committed… to a mental institution. Just kidding! (Mostly.)
• What’s a commitment-phobe’s favorite dessert? Run-away pudding!
• I tried to make a commitment to learning Spanish, but I only got as far as “Hola”. I’m not sure how to commit to it.
• Relationship status: Committed… to binge-watching Netflix.
• My commitment to exercise is like a broken pencil… pointless.
• Why did the commitment-phobe cross the road? To avoid the relationship.
• You know you’re commitment-phobic when you refer to long-term investments as “potential future annoyances.”
• I’m committed to making bad jokes. It’s a life sentence, really.
• What’s a commitment-phobe’s worst nightmare? A three-year warranty!
• My commitment to cleaning my room is inversely proportional to the amount of free time I have.
• What did the commitment-phobe say when asked to be a groomsman? “I’ll think about it…for the next 20 years.”
• I’m committed to procrastinating. I’ll start later.

Commitment Jokes: The Marriage Material

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These commitment jokes are for those ready to take the plunge, or at least laugh about the possibility. They poke fun at the realities of married life, the vows we make, and the long-term commitment that keeps couples together (or at least trying to!). Prepare for some serious, yet hilarious, marital observations.

• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! (Getting married is a serious commitment!)
• Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. (Marriage is all about compromise…and eyebrow placement).
• What’s the best way to remember your wife’s birthday? Forget it once.
• My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Here I am, on a date.
• I thought getting married would change me. Turns out, my wife changed me.
• Relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… just like my commitment!
• My wife says I have two faults: I don’t listen, and I don’t listen.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Commitment Puns: Taking the Vow of Laughter

Get ready to say “I do!” to these commitment puns. They’re pun-tastic celebrations of relationships, promising a lifetime of laughter. From tying the knot to being completely ‘knot’ ready, these puns are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and maybe even make you consider your own level of commitment.

• I’m not ready to commit…mint.
• Let’s taco ‘bout commitment!
• I’m so committed to Netflix, it’s un-stream-lievable.
• Are you ready to be my signif-icant otter?
• I’m committed to my bed. We have a very long and cozy relationship.
• Let’s commit to having a grape time together!
• I’m committed to being punny. It’s a lifelong sentence.
• I’m so committed to my job, I’m practically stapled to my desk. It’s a paper jam!
• I donut know if I’m ready for commitment. Maybe just a glaze.
• Let’s commit to bean together forever! (Said the coffee bean).

Funny Commitment Jokes About Relationships

These jokes delve into the heart of romantic relationships, highlighting the hilarious quirks and challenges of navigating love. From the initial awkwardness to the comfortable chaos, these jokes capture the essence of commitment in a way that’s both funny and relatable. Prepare for some relationship real talk!

• My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
• I love my girlfriend so much, I almost never look at other women. Almost.
• My girlfriend said she needed space. So I gave her a planetarium.
• Before I met my wife, I didn’t know what happiness was. Now I do, but it’s too late.
• Being in a relationship is like being on a rollercoaster. Except instead of screaming, you’re arguing about who left the toilet seat up.
• My girlfriend says I never listen to her. Or something like that.
• My girlfriend is a librarian. She keeps telling me she has her eyes on me.
• My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m immature. I told her she was being childish.
• I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to the gym. She said she didn’t feel like lifting. I said, “That’s been your excuse for our entire relationship.”
• My girlfriend complains I never buy her flowers. To be fair, I didn’t know she sold them.

Commitment Puns for the Socially Awkward

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Commitment can be a daunting prospect, especially for the socially awkward among us. These puns offer a lighthearted take on the anxieties and hesitations surrounding relationships. If you’ve ever felt tongue-tied or unsure about taking the next step, these puns are for you. Embrace the awkwardness and laugh along!

• I’m not ready to commit to eye contact.
• My commitment level is currently set to “awkward turtle.”
• I’m committed to avoiding all social interaction. It’s a very isolating hobby.
• I’m so socially awkward, I can’t even commit to a handshake.
• My dating life is like a broken pencil… pointless. That’s why I can’t commit.
• I’m committed to overthinking every social situation.
• I’m not ready to commit to a conversation longer than five minutes.
• I’m committed to staying home and watching Netflix. It’s a very serious relationship.
• My commitment to small talk is… minimal.
• I’m so awkward, my attempts at commitment end up being a huge missed steak.

One-Liner Commitment Jokes: Short and Sweet

Sometimes, the best humor comes in small packages. These one-liner commitment jokes are quick, witty, and pack a punch. Perfect for sharing with friends or using as a conversation starter (or ender!), these jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh without requiring a long-term investment of attention.

• My commitment issues are a work in progress.
• I’m committed to avoiding commitment.
• I’m in a committed relationship… with pizza.
• Commitment? I’m on the fence. But I’m comfortable here.
• I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m afraid of regret.
• I’m committed to finding the perfect excuse.
• My commitment level fluctuates wildly.
• I’m dating commitment. It’s complicated.
• Commitment is like a box of chocolates… I’m allergic.
• I’m committed to staying single. It’s a full-time job.

Commitment Jokes: The Dating Game Edition

Navigating the dating world is a minefield of awkward encounters and fleeting connections. These jokes highlight the often-absurd realities of the dating game, from swiping right to ghosting. If you’ve ever experienced the highs and lows of modern dating, these jokes will resonate with your experiences.

• My dating profile says I’m looking for a long-term commitment. Just kidding.
• I went on a date with a girl who said she liked long walks on the beach. Turns out, she was a garbage collector.
• My dating life is like a reality TV show… full of drama and bad decisions.
• I’m so bad at dating, I’m pretty sure my exes have group therapy sessions.
• Dating is like online shopping. You see something you like, then read the reviews and run away.
• I tried online dating. It turns out “catfishing” is frowned upon.
• I asked my date if she believed in love at first sight. She said, “Only if you’re rich.”
• I went on a date with a mime. He wouldn’t commit to a conversation.
• My dating strategy is to lower my expectations until they’re subterranean.
• I swiped right on a guy who said he was a “dog lover.” Turns out, he just really liked eating hot dogs.

Relatable Commitment Puns: We’ve All Been There

These puns tap into the universal experiences of commitment, whether it’s committing to a project, a diet, or a relationship. They’re the kind of puns that make you nod and say, “Yeah, I’ve been there!” Prepare for some relatable humor that speaks to the everyday struggles of making and keeping promises.

• I’m committed to procrastinating.
• I’m committed to my couch. It’s a very supportive relationship.
• I’m committed to starting my diet… tomorrow.
• I’m committed to finishing this project… eventually.
• I’m committed to wearing sweatpants every day.
• I’m committed to ignoring my responsibilities.
• I’m committed to saying “yes” to pizza.
• I’m committed to scrolling through social media for hours.
• I’m committed to taking naps whenever possible.
• I’m committed to finding the remote.

Dark Humor Commitment Jokes: For the Brave Souls

These commitment jokes venture into the realm of dark humor, exploring the more morbid and cynical aspects of relationships and obligations. They’re not for the faint of heart, but if you appreciate a good dose of edgy humor, these jokes will provide a twisted perspective on the often-serious topic of commitment.

• I’m so committed to this lie, I’m taking it to the grave.
• My commitment to my job is slowly killing me.
• Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops. And sometimes one of them disappears mysteriously.
• I’m committed to being dead. It’s a very permanent commitment.
• What’s the difference between love and marriage? An argument. That ends in murder. (Just kidding… mostly).
• I’m committed to ruining my life, one bad decision at a time.
• My commitment to avoiding my problems is unparalleled. It’s practically a superpower.
• I’m committed to dying alone with a pile of cats.
• I’m so committed to this joke, I’d kill to keep it funny. (Metaphorically, of course).
• Commitment is like a prison sentence… except you chose it.