Maryland Jokes That'll Make You Claws-itively Laugh!

Ready for a Chesapeake chuckle? Maryland, with its iconic blue crabs, historic landmarks, and unique culture, is ripe for humor. Whether you’re a Maryland native, a frequent visitor, or just curious about the Old Line State, get ready to laugh with this collection of the best Maryland jokes and puns.

We’ve scoured the internet (and maybe overheard a few watermen swapping stories) to bring you a compilation that’s guaranteed to be more entertaining than a traffic jam on the Bay Bridge. Prepare for some corny crab jokes, a few Old Bay-seasoned zingers, and maybe even a pun or two that are so bad, they’re good.

Maryland Jokes That’ll Make You Claws-itively Laugh!

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• Why did the crab blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom! (Meme: Image of a blushing crab next to the Chesapeake Bay map)
• I tried to explain Maryland drivers to my friend from out of state. He just looked at me like I was speaking Baltimoron. (Meme: Picture of a confused face with “Baltimoron?” text)
• What do you call a group of musical crabs? A crab-aret! (Meme: Crabs on stage with musical instruments)
• I asked my therapist if my obsession with Old Bay was a problem. She said, “That’s just Maryland’s spice of life!” (Meme: A therapist holding a can of Old Bay with a knowing smile)
• My favorite part about living in Maryland? It’s always crab-solutely amazing! (Meme: Sunrise over the Chesapeake Bay with text “crab-solutely amazing!“)
• Why was the crab so good at poker? Because he always had a shell game up his sleeve! (Meme: Crab wearing a poker visor and sunglasses)
• What’s a Marylander’s favorite type of math? Alge-crab! (Meme: Algebra equation with crabs instead of variables)
• Heard about the Maryland ghost? It haunts old crab houses… they say it’s crab-ulous! (Meme: Cartoon ghost wearing an Old Bay can as a hat)
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms from Maryland? Because they make up everything! (Old Bay Seasoning joke) (Meme: Atom with Old Bay can orbiting it)
• What do you call a crab that’s a good detective? Sherlock Claws! (Meme: Crab wearing a deerstalker hat and holding a magnifying glass)
• Two crabs are walking down the street in Baltimore. One says to the other, “I’m really hungry.” The other one replies, “Then let’s go to Faidley’s!” (Meme: Two crabs walking past a building labeled “Faidley’s”)
• I’m writing a book about Maryland food. It’s going to be a real crab-turner! (Meme: Book cover with a crab on it titled “A Crab-Turner!“)
• My GPS always takes me the wrong way in Maryland. I think it’s programmed in Baltimoron! (Meme: GPS screen showing a convoluted route with the text “Baltimoron GPS”)
• What’s a Marylander’s favorite type of flower? A Blue Crab-apple blossom! (Meme: An apple blossom with blue crab claws instead of petals)
• I saw a seagull wearing an Old Bay t-shirt. I guess you could say it had good taste! (Meme: Seagull wearing a tiny Old Bay t-shirt)

Maryland Jokes: Crab-solutely Hilarious

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Maryland is synonymous with crabs, so naturally, many jokes revolve around these crustaceans. These jokes are sure to get you in a “crabby” mood – a good crabby mood, of course! Get ready for some claw-some puns and shell-arious jokes that celebrate Maryland’s iconic crustacean. They’re crab-solutely guaranteed to make you laugh!

• Why did the crab blush? Because he saw the ocean’s bottom!
• What do you call a crab that’s always complaining? A crabby patty!
• I tried to make a crab cake recipe but it was shell-shocking!
• What do you call a crab that’s a good driver? A crab-uretor!
• What did the crab say when he answered the phone? “Shell-o!”
• A Marylander walks into a bar with a crab under his arm. The bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring that in here!” The Marylander replies, “He’s with me, he’s my wingman!”
• Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
• What’s a crab’s favorite subject in school? Shell-metry.
• Heard about the crab who became a comedian? His jokes were a bit…clawful.
• I asked a crab for directions. He just pointed and said, “Head East!”

Old Bay Puns: Seasoned with Humor

Old Bay seasoning is another Maryland staple, adding a unique flavor to everything from crabs to popcorn. These jokes are seasoned with humor, just like our favorite spice blend. Prepare for some Old Bay-sic puns and jokes that will have you craving a taste of Maryland, and a hearty laugh!

• I’m feeling Old Bay-sic today. Just gonna stay home and eat crabs.
• What did the Old Bay say to the crab? “I’m all over you!”
• I’m not sure if I love Old Bay, or if it’s just a seasoning of the moment.
• My love for Old Bay is im-peck-able.
• What’s an Old Bay’s favorite song? “Spice, Spice Baby.”
• Why did the Old Bay go to therapy? It had too many seasonings.
• I tried to make a joke about Old Bay, but it wasn’t very…seasoned.
• Keep calm and Old Bay on!
• I’m Old Bay-sically addicted to this stuff.
• What do you call an Old Bay that’s lost? A-seasoned!

Maryland History Jokes: A Blast from the Past

From the American Revolution to the War of 1812, Maryland has a rich history. These jokes are a blast from the past, offering a humorous look at the state’s historical moments. They’re a lighthearted way to learn something new, and hopefully, crack a smile in the process.

• Why did Lord Baltimore start Maryland? He needed a place to get away from all the Lords and Ladies!
• Maryland history is my jamestown thing.
• What did Francis Scott Key say after writing the Star-Spangled Banner? “That’s a wrap!”
• I tried to write a joke about the War of 1812, but it was a bit of a bombardment.
• Why was the Maryland Toleration Act so important? It was a sign of the times!
• Did you hear about the Maryland historical society? It’s history-arious!
• What did the first colonist say when he arrived in Maryland? “This place is Mary-licious!”
• Why did the colonists love Maryland? Because it was a place of tol-eration!
• What’s a historian’s favorite type of crab? A crust-acean from the past!
• Why was Maryland so important in the Civil War? It was a border state, and fence-sitters are always key!

Baltimore Jokes: Hon, They’re Funny!

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Baltimore, with its unique charm and “Hon” culture, provides endless fodder for jokes. These jokes are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud, Hon! From the city’s quirky neighborhoods to its distinct accent, these jokes will have you feeling like a true Baltimorean.

• Why did the Baltimorean cross the road? To get to the other side, Hon!
• What’s a Baltimorean’s favorite type of music? Bawl-timore.
• How do you know someone is from Baltimore? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you, Hon!
• What do you call a fancy Baltimore party? A Hon-formal.
• Why did the Baltimorean bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house, Hon!
• What’s a Baltimorean’s favorite dessert? Hon-ey buns.
• I’m so Baltimore, I bleed Old Bay, Hon.
• Why did the hipster move to Baltimore? He heard it was Bawl-d and cool, Hon.
• What’s a Baltimorean’s favorite movie? Gone with the Hon-d.
• You know you’re in Baltimore when the street signs say “Honk if you love crabs!“.

Maryland Geography Jokes: Exploring the Laughs

Maryland’s diverse geography, from the Chesapeake Bay to the Appalachian Mountains, offers plenty of opportunities for geographical humor. These jokes will have you exploring the laughs as you traverse the state’s landscapes. Get ready for some puns that are sure to map out a smile on your face!

• What do you call a lazy mountain in Maryland? A pro-crab-stinator.
• Why did the Chesapeake Bay blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
• I’m Maryland geography-cally inclined to laugh at these jokes!
• What’s the capital of Maryland humor? Annapolis-olutely funny!
• Why did the mountain refuse to move in Western Maryland? It was pro-crab-stinating.
• I tried to make a joke about the Eastern Shore, but it was too…rural.
• What do you call a Maryland river that’s always telling jokes? A laugh-ing stream.
• Why did the bay cross the road? To get to the other tide!
• I’m having a Maryland geography crisis; I don’t know where to laugh next!
• What do you call a crab that loves geography? A Crustacean-ographer!

Maryland Food Puns: Deliciously Funny

Maryland’s culinary scene is as diverse as its landscape. From crab cakes to Berger cookies, these food puns are deliciously funny. Prepare for a feast of laughs as we celebrate Maryland’s iconic dishes with a side of humor. These jokes are guaranteed to leave you hungry for more!

• I’m feeling crabby, let’s get some crab cakes. It’ll be im-peck-able!
• What did the Berger cookie say to the other? “You’re looking crumby today!”
• I’m so hungry, I could eat a whole Maryland blue crab! It’s claw-some!
• What do you call a crab cake that tells jokes? A crab-edian!
• Why did the Smith Island Cake get an award? Because it was a layered success!
• What’s a Marylander’s favorite dessert? Key lime pie, just kidding it’s Berger Cookies!
• I tried to make a joke about Maryland food, but it was half-baked.
• Keep calm and eat crab cakes!
• I’m Maryland food-ly obsessed with crab dip!
• Let’s shell-ebrate Maryland cuisine with some delicious crab!

Maryland Sports Jokes: O’s and Ravens Humor

Marylanders are passionate about their sports teams, especially the Orioles and the Ravens. These jokes are a touchdown of humor, celebrating the state’s beloved teams. Whether you’re an O’s fan or a Ravens fanatic, these jokes are sure to score a laugh. Get ready to cheer for more!

• Why did the Orioles hire a baker? Because they needed someone who could bring the dough in!
• What do you call a Ravens fan who’s always right? A pro-raven.
• I’m a Ravens fan, through and through. It’s in my flacco blood.
• Why did the baseball bat go to the Ravens game? It wanted to see some hits!
• What do you call a bird that’s also a football player? A raven-ger!
• I tried to make a joke about the Orioles losing, but it’s too soon.
• Keep calm and O’s on!
• I’m sports Maryland-ly obsessed with the Ravens!
• What do you call a crab that plays baseball? A crab-ber!
• Why did the Raven bring a ladder to the stadium? He heard the game was going to be elevated!

Maryland Travel Jokes: Bridge the Gap to Laughter

Traveling around Maryland offers unique experiences, from crossing the Bay Bridge to exploring historic towns. These jokes bridge the gap to laughter, highlighting the joys and quirks of traveling in Maryland. Get ready for some puns that will make your Maryland adventure even more memorable.

• Why did the tourist get lost in Maryland? Because he didn’t have a good bay-cation plan!
• What do you call a Maryland bridge that tells jokes? A spans-tastic comedian!
• I’m Maryland travel-y inclined to visit Assateague Island!
• Why did the car refuse to cross the Bay Bridge? It was too toll-erating!
• What do you call a Maryland highway that’s always cracking jokes? A laugh-ing lane.
• I tried to make a joke about Ocean City, but it was too…beachy.
• Keep calm and visit Maryland!
• I’m Maryland travel-ly obsessed with St. Michaels!
• What do you call a crab that loves to travel? A Crustacean-tourist!
• Why did the tourist love Annapolis? Because it was full of capitol ideas!