Delivering Laughs: The Ultimate Collection of Midwife Jokes & Puns

Need a good laugh? Laboring through the day and could use a little lighthearted relief? You’ve come to the right place! We’re diving headfirst into the world of midwife humor, where contractions meet comedy and dilation becomes a delightful punchline.

Prepare yourself for a collection of the best midwife jokes and puns that are sure to deliver (pun intended!). Whether you’re a midwife yourself, a soon-to-be parent, or just someone who appreciates a good, clean joke, we’ve got something here to tickle your funny bone.

So, get ready to push… your worries aside and enjoy a few moments of laughter with these carefully curated jokes. Let’s get this delivery of humor started!

Delivering Laughs: The Ultimate Collection of Midwife Jokes & Puns

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• Why did the midwife bring a ladder to the delivery? Because she heard labor was going to be elevated! (Image: A midwife holding a tiny ladder next to a pregnant belly)
• What do you call a midwife who’s always late? A pro-crastinator! (Image: A snail wearing a midwife uniform)
• I tried to write a birth plan… It was a labor of love! (Image: A person looking stressed out at a computer surrounded by paper)
• Midwives: delivering more than just babies. (Image: A stork holding a baby AND a pizza box)
• Heard about the midwife who opened a bakery? She specialized in delivery rolls! (Image: A basket full of freshly baked rolls with tiny baby footprints on them)
• What’s a midwife’s favorite type of music? Baby metal! (Image: A baby wearing a metal band t-shirt with a midwife badge)
• Why was the midwife so good at her job? She had excellent support! (Image: A midwife holding a baby with a supportive looking doula behind her)
• A midwife walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, “Rough day?” She replies, “You have NO idea how long I’ve been waiting to push this one out!” (Image: A midwife looking weary at a bar)
• What did the midwife say to the impatient baby? “Okay, okay, I’m laboring to get you out here!” (Image: A cartoon baby impatiently tapping its foot inside a womb)
• Two midwives are talking. One says, “I’m exhausted, I’ve been on call for 36 hours.” The other replies, “That’s nothing, I’ve been on delivery duty for three days!” (Image: Two exhausted looking midwives drinking coffee)
• My midwife told me to relax and breathe during labor. I told her, “Easy for you to say, you’re not the one pushing out a watermelon!” (Image: An exaggerated watermelon being squeezed through a small opening)
• Why did the midwife refuse to play cards with the pregnant woman? Because she kept dealing from the bottom of the deck… and everyone knows babies come from the bottom! (Image: A pregnant woman cheating at cards)
• What’s a midwife’s favorite type of plant? A placenta! (Image: A potted plant with a placenta instead of leaves)
• Before becoming a midwife, she was a librarian. She said she was tired of shushing people and wanted to help bring new volumes into the world. (Image: A librarian holding a baby instead of a book)
• A midwife, a doctor, and a nurse are on a boat. The boat starts to sink. Who gets saved first? The midwife, because she has delivery insurance! (Image: A sinking boat with the midwife holding onto a life raft)

Midwife Jokes: Contractions of Laughter

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Get ready for some contractions…of laughter! This section is dedicated to midwife jokes that are guaranteed to induce some serious chuckles. We’re talking about jokes so good, they’ll have you saying, “I can’t… breathe… from laughing so hard!” Prepare for a joyful delivery of humor.

• Why did the midwife bring a ladder to the delivery room? Because she heard the baby was overdue!
• What’s a midwife’s favorite type of music? Baby metal!
• A midwife walks into a bar and orders a round of epidurals…for the whole house!
• What did the midwife say to the baby who wouldn’t come out? “Come on, we haven’t got all day!”
• Why did the midwife get an award? For outstanding delivery!
• Patient: “I think I’m in labor!” Midwife: “Let’s not jump to contractions.”
• What do you call a midwife who’s also a DJ? A delivery room mixer!
• Midwife: “Push!” Patient: “I can’t! I’m all out of energy!” Midwife: “Here, have a baby battery!”
• Midwife: “How far apart are your contractions?” Patient: “About six inches, if I squeeze my legs together!”
• Why did the midwife become a gardener? She was great at bringing things to bloom!

Midwife Puns: Delivering the Perfect Punchline

This is where we deliver the perfect punchlines. Get ready for some wordplay so clever, it’ll make you want to labor over every single pun. We’re aiming for humor that’s both umbilical and unforgettable. These puns are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

• Midwives are always on call, especially when babies are involved.
• I’m really in labor with these puns, hope you’re enjoying the delivery!
• Don’t be placenta-fied of these puns, they’re all in good fun!
• Being a midwife is a bloody good job.
• Midwives have the best delivery service around.
• Midwives are knot afraid of anything.
• Keep calm and labor on!
• Birth is uterusly amazing!
• I find being a midwife really rewarding
• Midwives always go the extra mile for their patients.

Clean Midwife Jokes for All Ages

We understand that some jokes are better left unspoken in certain company. This section is dedicated to clean midwife jokes that are suitable for all ages. These jokes are silly, light-hearted, and guaranteed to bring a smile to the face of anyone, regardless of their age or profession.

• What do you call a happy midwife? Content!
• Why did the baby bring a pencil to the delivery room? To draw its family!
• What’s a midwife’s favorite drink? Babyccino!
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta… just like a fake contraction!
• Why did the midwife bring a map to the delivery? She wanted to know the route to the baby!
• What did the midwife say to the tired mom? “Rest up, baby!”
• What’s a baby’s favorite game? Peek-a-boo!
• Why was the baby so good at basketball? It had a great delivery!
• What do you call a baby who loves to dance? A jitterbug!
• Why are midwives good at making soup? They know how to bring everything together!

Midwife Jokes About Labor and Delivery

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Labor and delivery can be a stressful time, but humor can lighten the mood. This section is filled with jokes specifically about the experience of labor and delivery. These jokes are relatable, funny, and designed to bring a smile to the faces of anyone who has experienced or witnessed the miracle of birth.

• Why did the patient name her baby Google? Because it had everything she was searching for!
• Patient: “I need an epidural!” Midwife: “I’m on it! But first, let’s try some deep breathing… and maybe a chocolate bar.”
• Midwife: “Ready to push?” Patient: “I was born ready… 32 years ago!”
• What’s the best thing to do if a midwife faints? Get another midwife!
• Why did the midwife bring a stopwatch to the delivery? To time the “baby-sprints!”
• Patient: “This is the worst pain ever!” Midwife: “You haven’t seen the hospital bill yet.”
• What do you call a laboring woman who’s also a baker? A bun in the oven!
• Why did the midwife bring a disco ball to the delivery room? To get the party started!
• What’s a baby’s favorite kind of story? A tale of two deliveries!
• Midwife: “How would you like to deliver?” Patient: “Preferably alive!”

Midwife Puns: The Afterbirth of Wit

Consider this the “afterbirth” of puns – the final, but still valuable, delivery of witty humor! These puns are designed to bring a smile to your face, even after the initial wave of laughter. We hope you find these puns just as placenta-lly pleasing as the rest.

• Midwives, always delivering on their promises!
• I’m uterusly proud to be a midwife.
• This job requires a lot of patients.
• Good midwives are invaluable.
• Sometimes you just have to labor the point.
• Midwives are the backbone of the birthing process.
• We’re knot kidding when we say we love our jobs!
• Being a midwife is a birthing experience!
• Midwives are naturally good at what they do.
• These puns are a labor of love!

Midwife Jokes That Only Midwives Will Understand

This section is for the true insiders – the midwives who have seen it all. These jokes are filled with the kind of humor that only those who have experienced the joys and challenges of midwifery will truly appreciate. Get ready to laugh along with your fellow professionals.

• You know you’re a midwife when you can identify amniotic fluid from across the room.
• What’s a midwife’s favorite accessory? A Doppler!
• Midwives: Powered by coffee and the miracle of birth.
• Only a midwife knows the true meaning of “voluntary fetal expulsion.”
• You know you’re a midwife when you dream in centimeters.
• A midwife’s superpower? The ability to sleep through anything… except a laboring mom.
• How do you know a midwife is telling the truth? Their hands are always clean!
• Midwife problems: When you’re more excited about a good cervical exam than a vacation.
• The midwife’s motto: “Stay calm and check the dilation.”
• You know you’re a midwife when you have more birth stories than Netflix recommendations.

Midwife Jokes: When the Water Breaks… the Ice!

Nothing breaks the ice quite like a good joke, especially when it involves the unexpected “splash” of amniotic fluid. This section focuses on jokes that relate to that pivotal moment when the water breaks. Get ready to laugh – and maybe grab a towel, just in case!

• Why did the midwife wear waterproof shoes? In case the water broke… twice!
• What did the midwife say when the water broke in the elevator? “Going down!”
• Patient: “I think my water just broke.” Midwife: “Looks like it’s raining babies!”
• How do you know a baby is a comedian? Because it always has a water-breaking entrance!
• What’s a midwife’s favorite weather forecast? “Chance of showers… baby showers!”
• Patient: “My water broke at the grocery store!” Midwife: “Looks like aisle nine just got a little more fertile.”
• Why did the midwife bring an umbrella to work? For the unexpected “baby shower!”
• What do you call a midwife who’s afraid of water breaking? Hydrophobic!
• Midwife: “Did you feel a gush?” Patient: “More like a tidal wave!”
• What’s a baby’s favorite song after the water breaks? “Here Comes the Flood!”

Midwife Puns: Placenta Order of Humor

We’re placing our final order – a placenta order, that is – of humor! This section is dedicated to puns that cleverly incorporate the placenta. These puns are a bit organ-ized, a little bloody, but guaranteed to deliver a final dose of midwife-related laughter.

• Let’s give a placenta thanks to all the midwives out there!
• Midwives always have a placenta their heart for their patients.
• I’m placenta-lly motivated to make these puns.
• I placenta lot of value on the work midwives do!
• Some people think the placenta is gross, but midwives find it amazing.
• Midwives are vital to the birthing process, just like the placenta!
• I placenta-ly promise these are the last puns!
• Midwives have a placenta knowledge about birth.
• Midwives are placenta-lly gifted at their jobs.
• Don’t be afraid, these puns are all placenta-ly safe!